Don't worry. You're just as sane as I am.

Sometimes you lose a battle, but mischief always wins the war.

kidouyuuto:

kidouyuuto:

i know this is dumb but i think that australia exists like?? the ocean is largely unexplored there could very well be a fallen empire and we havent found it yet

I MEANT ATLANTIS YOU ASSHOLES

(via assbuttofasgard)

ocebutt:

dooptown:

i’ve said it before and i’ll say it again

YOU DO NOT NEED TO BRING YOUR GUN TO THE GROCERY STORE

how does america even function like it sounds like a video game or something. grand theft freedom.

(via assbuttofasgard)

kingsleyyy:

netflix gives u 15 seconds between episodes to decide whether or not you’re doing anything with ur life today

(via infamousrowe)

I wouldn't be afraid of spiders if I could just talk to them, you know?

  • Me: Oh, hey whoa, this shower is occupied.
  • Spider: Omg man I didn't see you there.
  • Me: We cool?
  • Spider: Yeah, yeah, we're cool. I'm just coming down to scope out the tub.
  • Me: Oh, that's legit. Hey, you might wanna move over some--you're descending right into the shower stream and I don't want you to drown.
  • Spider: Hey thanks, bud. I'll be careful.
  • Me: So...can I get out now?
  • Spider: Sure, sure! Sorry I'll just move over here.
  • Me: Thanks. You have a nice night. Don't come into my bedroom, okay?
  • Spider: Nah, that's your space. We're cool. Have a great evening.

shmapey:

justmyflawedlogic:

lokisgloriouspenis:

okay today i learned that apparently the penis has a say in whether or not a child will be a boy or a girl

female sperm swims slower than male sperm, but the males can’t swim for as long as the females. this means that a long penis will be closer to the egg when releasing the sperm, and there will be a higher chance for the child to be a boy.

so in conclusion

if you have a lot of sons you have a big dick

image

image

THIS IS MY NEW FAVORITE POST

(Source: leethepace, via lanky-blonde-lesbian)

lodubimvloyaar:

Children Read To Shelter Cats To Soothe Them

(Photos by Animal Rescue League Of Berks County. You can follow them on Facebook.)

Also good for the kids. They encourage having slow readers read to the family pets. A dog will listen to a kid read a whole book one damn sssyl-la——-ble at a time, and it will never get frustrated, or correct their pronunciation, or start playing Angry Bird because it can’t stand listening to the slowness any more. The dog will look at the kid approvingly, because, human. Human is talking. Human is interacting.

So this is a great win-win.

(Source: dakotaangel, via omnivoice)

facingthewaves:

Imagine J.K. Rowling pulling a Beyoncé and releasing another Harry Potter book at midnight on July 31 with no warning can you even imagine the chaos that would ensue

(via starsdontfade)

postllimit:

after having multiple ears grafted onto his forehead by dr. space, the weary man walked into his last ear attachment session and resigned himself to his fate with the resounding words “space- the final front ear.”

(via rneerkat)